It’s time for transformation. Time to wake up and shake the cobwebs off and move. I am truly grateful for the time I had with Jeanine. She made me feel special and loved in ways I hadn’t felt for a very long time. And I will always have that. So thank you, Jeanine. Thank you for being there and showing me that there are always new possibilities and experiences out there. But I have been broken for a long time and too often I let the way others feel about me dictate how I feel about myself. I have had successes and failures and I know I have grown so much since my divorce and that I still have a lot of work to do. I don’t reach out to my friends enough. I let connections go. I lose sight of who I am and what I want. I let myself down too many times. I allow my fears to consume me. But it is time to change. It is time to let go of those fears and stand alone. I know I have all of you; All you wonderful and amazing people who grace my life, and for that I am truly grateful. A couple of years ago I would have allowed something like this destroy me. I would have let it eat at me and it would feel like I can’t go on. I would have crawled into a hole, beat myself up, and wondered if I had the strength to go on.
But not today. Not now, and not ever again. A dear friend blogged the other day about how to safely fall apart. I am going to give myself that, a short respite, and I will allow myself to mourn. And then I am going to teach myself how to live. I am going to live for me. And I am going to open my heart and accept the love that I have in my life. I am going to learn to love myself like I never have.
This is my journey, and it starts today. I am letting go of all that burdens me and brings me down. I may trip and fall but I will get back on my feet. I will continue the journey I started when my marriage fell apart. I will grow. It is time.