Last Night I spent another “last night” with J. She’s part of a unique community of which I suppose I sit at the fringe of simply because of the things I like to draw. I’m not, however, a member, nor do I expect to ever become one. I don’t do communities, though I think I need to join a community of writers, simply because I think that passion beats out everything else for me. Spending time with J was much what I expected. She was in her element, and she was adorable. I think I’ve found my timeline for cutting her out. When G moves in with her, I go my own way. I need to do this simply because I want both a best friend and lover, and not simply a best friend. I also don’t want to be like T, another friend of hers who is also in love with her, who hangs on her like a sad sullen puppy. I don’t need that in my life, and neither does she. I think right now she needs me more than I need her, which is why I choose to stay and endure the pain I go through each time I am with her. She talks a good game, probably does feel better than she has in years, but there’s still stuff lingering in her that she’s scared to let out. She’s moved from Justin to me, and now to G, all without taking a break. I will miss miss miss her friendship. But I also need this for my own growth, this is the first opportunity I think I’ve ever had to experience heartbreak without negativity, without fights, without anger. I’m going to explore my feelings, and look deeply at how I handle this one. The door will be open if she needs me…but I’m hoping once she’s completely attached she never does. I won’t want to open old wounds or re-explore my feelings.