I think I’m depressed again. I’ve been feeling trapped in the house…mixed between not wanting to go out and not being able or invited to go out. I’ve been so-so on working out. I haven’t hung out with my friends. And I’ve felt abandoned by J though that’s a serious over-reaction to some mildly diminished time. But maybe my gut knows something my mind does not. I worry too much. I know that. I get into ruts. I know that too. I feel like I’m in a rut. Or a series of overlapping ruts. Some days I’m fine. Some not.
I’ve been reading a dystopian series (Wool, Shift, Dust) – the Silo Saga. I’m enjoying them immensely. One of the characters starts taking medication to help him process knowledge that he can’t otherwise handle without it.
I think that’s where I’m at. I’m trying to process life. I’m trying to figure out where things are going, how I’m getting there, and who, other than my kids, if anyone, I’m getting there with.
Yesterday I started on the Abilify again and also took whatever new pills I had picked up back at the beginning of December. I’m not sure I need it, but I’m not sure I don’t.
What I am sure of is that I need to get somewhere. Even if it’s just in my head.