My hope for you…

I hope you find yourself. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve. I wish you the best of luck on getting the job you want and I know you will find happiness in your work. I hope you finally heal from the Tiger and learn to let him go. Learn to forgive yourself. Let go. Spend more time with your daughter. Love her like no other. Do your art…let it shine and make it your haven when things are tough. Find peace. Give your heart a break. Heal. Breathe. Take time for yourself. Love yourself like I love you. Don’t run. Stay connected to the world and let in what makes you feel good. Spend time with friends. Cherish your memories. You can change. Harl sees it in you. He saw the healing process begin. Don’t give up on yourself.

I love you. I always will.

Peace

I guess I may need to come to terms with the fact that it is over.  I still don’t want it to be.  I do love her, and I do want her to heal..so if this is what she needs to heal then I will get out of the way.  I’ll leave, I’ll suffer, and eventually I suppose I’ll bounce back.  Right now I just want to crawl into a hole and die.  As she once put it…I don’t want to life anymore.  I don’t want to do this without her.  And I don’t want to play stupid games with the Roach.  She’s not an object and fighting over her is beyond stupid.  She is my best friend, and I’m feeling so lost already.

Jeanine

Jeanine, jeanine, jeanine, jeanine

I’m begging of you, please don’t choose another man

Jeanine, jeanine, jeanine, jeanine

Please don’t choose him just because you can

Your beauty is beyond compare With flaming locks of auburn hair

With lightly tanned skin and eyes like I’ve never seen Your smile is like a breath of spring

Your voice is soft like summer rain

And I am in love with you, Jeanine

He talks about you in his sleep

And there’s nothing I can do to keep

From crying when he calls your name, Jeanine

But I can easily understand

How I could easily lose you to another man

But you don’t know what you mean to me…

Jeanine, jeanine, jeanine, jeanine

I’m begging of you, please don’t take another man

Jeanine, jeanine, jeanine, jeanine

Please don’t choose him just because you can

You could have your choice of men

But I could never love again

you’re the only one for me, Jeanine

I had to have this talk with you

My happiness depends on you And whatever you decide to do,

Jeanine Jeanine, jeanine, jeanine, Jeanine

I’m begging of you, please don’t choose Another man

Jeanine, Jeanine, Jeanine, Jeanine

Please don’t take choose him even though you can

Jeanine

Lyrics borrowed and modified to suit…

Just Breathe

Yes I understand, that every life must end, uh-huh
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh-huh

Oh I’m a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they’ve got none.

Stay with me
Let’s just breathe

Practiced on my sins, never gonna let you win, uh-huh
Under everything, just another human being, uh-huh

I don’t want to hurt
There’s so much in this world to make me believe

Stay with me
All I see

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh if I didn’t I’m a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
But I come clean

I wonder everyday, as I look upon your face, uh-huh
Everything you gave and nothing you would take, uh-huh
Nothing you would take, everything you gave

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh if I didn’t I’m a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
But I come clean

Nothing you would take, everything you gave
Love you till I die, meet you on the other side

These lyrics resonated with me tonight.  I haven’t heard the original version but the one I listened to was Willie Nelson and son.  I hate to say it…but it helped me make a decision that will hurt.

Recap

The last week was wonderful.  J took Wednesday off and we had such a great day together…she hadn’t planned on spending the night but ended up doing so anyway.  Friday I ended up at her place and we talked and snuggled and I ended up staying over all night.  Everything was fantastic.  Last night we worked out together…something I enjoy doing with her very much.  This morning we had another therapy session…and it seems like she is figuring things out. 

Looking forward to another workout Wednesday.

I shouldn’t have to

I shouldn’t have to censor myself for anyone, most importantly when it’s about the love that I feel for someone. I’m not the one hiding truths and telling lies.  I’m not pretending I’m in a “one and only” relationship so why should I have to allow his fantasy to appear real.  I won’t do this forever.  He’ll crack or catch on soon enough.  I just want it to be now.