There are times when I almost forget why I started this blog. Truth be told, I wish I could just continue down the course I’ve been on and not have to ever bring up the Ex-Wife. She doesn’t deserve any of my energy or attention, but unfortunately we still have children together, and sometimes what she does or does not do has a huge emotional impact on me. These days its always about the children. I don’t think of her at all otherwise. She is no longer a real thorn in my side, I can talk about her without pain, and I can look back on the better times we had and when I loved her. I have no idea who she is anymore, and my only concern is for how she deals with being a parent…or doesn’t.
Last night my children were back home after 4 days with their mother. Recently she has given up a lot of time with them because she says she can’t make it work with her schedule. She had had to move a thursday though so this time she was supposed to have them Thursday through Sunday afternoon…which normally she would have them to Monday morning as well but she gave up all her Sundays citing it was “better for the kids”. I think it’s just easier for her not to have to get them to school in the morning. In any event, I had some car troubles and gave her enough notice that she didn’t drop the boys off and instead kept them through Monday morning. I picked my youngest up from school and then headed back in to work for a meeting.
Later that evening I let my youngest snuggle up to me for an episode of Castle. He stank of urine. The smell kept hitting my nose everytime he moved. After a few minutes I paused the show. I looked at him and asked him if he had wet the bed that morning. His answer just gutted me. He’d wet the bed over the weekend. Saturday night/Sunday morning to be more specific. I then asked him if he’d slept in the same wet sheets (see previous blogs for why I would even think to ask such a question) and he said no, he’d slept on the floor. I asked him when he had last showered…he shrugged. I asked him why he didn’t shower before school. His response was that he had five minutes to get ready to go.
My Ex has her own reasons for why we got divorced…but my kids were mine. I didn’t see them getting what they needed from her. I still don’t. They love her, I won’t argue that, they know no different, and I don’t want to diminish their love for her but I don’t think she’s a healthy influence on them. I think the less time she has actual responsibility for them the better. She should limit herself to being the “fun mom” – someone who takes them once in a while and maybe does something fun with them…but having responsibility over them….it just shouldn’t happen. She can’t take care of herself still…so why should I expect her to be able to take care of the boys’ needs.
I talked to my son, I talked about how important good hygiene is, and I made him take a shower immediately. I gave him a haircut and we finished our show.
This morning when I woke him he had wet the bed again. We did our usual routine…he showered, and then he took responsibility to get his dirty sheets and clothes into the washer. We sprayed and wiped down the plastic covering on his mattress and he got ready for school. I made sure we already had a clean and dry set of sheets for tonight. It doesn’t seem very complicated and I don’t understand why my ex can’t seem to take care of the basics for our children.
I want to write her…I plan on writing her, I want her to give up more time. No matter how I approach it she’ll take offense. She’ll see it as me attacking her again, and not for what it really is…the kids need to be taken care of better, if she can’t handle it, she should give up the time. It should be about what’s best for them. If she wants to see them that’s one thing, but if she can’t handle the basics…then she should let me do it. I get so frustrated when this comes up….there’s no easy way to deal with it, there’s no easy way to deal with her.