As I lay in bed…

I realized yet again I was putting off the day. I’d already gotten up once, gotten my youngest ready and out the door to school, and yet there I was trying to milk out another hour of sleep. My mind felt tired but my body was restless. I didn’t need the sleep, but I didn’t want to take action. I thought again about the bottle of antidepressants sitting in the cabinet. I’m not depressed. Overall, I’m in a fairly good mood, but I can’t seem to really push myself to do anything. Would the pills help? Do I really need some magic drug to motivate myself to be productive? Would they make a difference? If so, why can’t I be productive without them?

I watched my eldest this morning, and some part of me envied him. He’s always up first. Usually between 4 and 5 a.m. He’s showered and dressed well before I get my first good morning text from J and he’s productive. This morning he grabbed the weights and did a set of the exercises I’ve shown him. He’s got initiative and drive. I’m so proud of him.

I got up out of bed. I put some eggs on to boil. I sat down and wrote this. One step at a time.

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