It’s Funny, I don’t remember Valentines Day with my Ex-Wife. I don’t remember what we used to do to celebrate it. I think maybe once we went out to the Melting Pot. The last girl friend I had before her broke up with me on Valentines Day. I wasn’t that broken up about it, but that was because she had served her purpose…she had helped me heal from the last real relationship before that. The one that had hurt.
I don’t remember Valentines Day last year either. I was with J, unofficially, and I don’t know if we did anything other than participate in an exchange of cards.
I don’t know where J’s head is at this year. I read into things too much. I read into what’s being said and what’s not being said. Sometimes I’m spot on. Sometimes it’s just fear. I can’t help it. My relationship with my Ex has done that to me. I lost the ability to trust, to believe that my partner will always share openly and honestly with me. I’ve lost faith in myself, because I know I hold back too sometimes. I work on it, both in my relationships and in therapy. But there’s always doubt, there’s always fear.
I have fantastic plan’s for Valentines Day. Just Valentines Day….because I am not going to worry about what happens after that. I’m not going to worry about next week, or next month.
Last Mother’s Day I gave J some flowers. They still hang on her wall, dried out and as beautiful as they were when they were fresh and sitting in a vase on her table.
I’m sending some flowers to her house on Thursday, her day off. I decided that it wasn’t my problem that her roommate is an ex-boyfriend with jealousy issues. I didn’t want to do the flowers on the same day I did everything else.
On Saturday we’re going to an early dinner at the Fresh Fish Company. Her wonderful 2/12 year old daughter will be with us until around 6 when I’ve arranged for her father to meet us at my house to retrieve her for their usual exchange. J has managed to do what my Ex and I weren’t able to do…and the two of them have created and sustained a good co-parenting relationship despite an incredibly rocky start.
At 7 J and I will be walking just a block and a half from my house…to Pinot’s Palette — a place to paint and drink wine…where we’ll enjoy some chocolate and champagne and I’ll butcher the painting…
and after that….
Well….I’m just going to grab the next piece of chocolate…and not worry too much about what I’m going to get.